The unexamined life is not worth living – Socrates (Part 3)

As this glorious summer starts showing signs that it is fading into autumn, I continue with the examination of my life and reflect back on all of my experiences, family, friends and lovers, and how they have influenced me and led me on this path to become a gay coach and counsellor. It is difficult, if not impossible, to be neutral about the gay shame of which I write. It is my sincere hope that JJL Therapy Centre will uphold the tradition of countless other gay therapists and breathe life into a message that I believe is desperately needed among gay men.

No other group of people on this planet is better equipped to bring the message of self-acceptance and authenticity to the world, than gay men and women. Many of us have struggled mightily with shame and learning to access the power of authenticity and honesty lies within us all. Whether it was the killing of eight million Jews; the bombing of the Federal Building in Oklahoma City, USA that took 169 lives, including nineteen children; or the heinous act of hijacking and flying commercial aircraft into heavily populated high-rise buildings, the lives of nearly all destructive perpetrators are intertwined with, and in many cases motivated by, rageful reactions to personal shame. The devastating effects of shame are ubiquitous, and the message of self-acceptance is universally craved by a world that has in large part been taught that you aren’t young, thin, holy, rich, or successful enough.

It has taken me nearly fifty years to understand the enormous importance of overcoming destructive shame in healing our lives, and even an entire planet that seems to be flirting all too closely with calamity.

As gay men, we are uniquely qualified to bring the message of compassion, forgiveness, and self-acceptance – for we have been there and know how important it is to be proud of who we are. The destructive influences of shame are everywhere in our world, and it is my sincere hope that the work I do through my centre will start a movement that takes us beyond this current age of gay self-indulgence and overcompensation and instead pushes us on the world stage as the leaders of self-acceptance and awareness.

Although some may see this as too grandiose a vision, I do not. It is the natural outcome of our own struggle with shame that we would share our insight with a planet that desperately needs it.

It is my dream that the JJL Therapy Centre will bring a deep change to all who seek its safe space, and together we start a movement that frees our world from all the ways in which shame blocks people everywhere from experiencing the joy and contentment that lays just beyond those dark walls that imprison the human spirit.

Because this hard-won message of self-acceptance is so critically important, not only to gay men but to all, I offer my services through my centre. While understanding the origins of shame-based wounds is important, this alone is not sufficient to bring needed change into our lives. Change comes by choice and practice, but only when we have had a chance to examine our lives and choose to make a difference – choose to live a life filled with worth and authenticity.

It is time that all gay men find the time and opportunity to talk and examine their past and their shame in a safe place, such as JJL Therapy Centre. Call and make an appointment to see me, so that we can examine your life and find the worth in it.

Loving Blessings

James