Date Night - Part 2

If You’re Too Busy for Date Night, You’re Too Busy

Date nights should be sacred times to honor your relationship.

The plain and simple truth is date nights make relationships.

You’re probably thinking, that sounds great and in a perfect world date nights are doable, but who has the time, the money, or the childcare (if applicable) to go on dates?

As explained in the book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, date nights are always doable, even if it means getting a little creative in carving your time out together.

It also helps to define what a date night is and what a date night isn’t. Watching Netflix on the couch together while scrolling through your Instagram feed is not a date night.

A date night (or date afternoon or morning) is a pre-planned time where the two of you leave your work life and work-in-the-home life, and spend a set amount of time focusing on each other, and really talking and listening to each other.

Here are the most common date night obstacles and how to overcome them.

Time Life can feel so incredibly busy that the thought of finding time for yet one more obligation feels overwhelming. But a date night is more than an obligation—it’s a commitment to your relationship. It helps to carve out a specific and regular time each week and make this “appointment” a priority.

Unless someone is in the emergency room, make date night a “no matter what” event. Set aside time like you would for a birthday, or church, or an anniversary, or any other special event you celebrate in your life together.

Date nights should be sacred times to honor your relationship. Think of them as such, schedule them in your calendars for as much time as possible—even if it’s just for an hour, show up no matter what.

Money Dates don’t have to be expensive. In fact, they don’t have to cost anything at all. Pack a picnic, go for a walk, sit in a park. There are endless ways to spend time together without breaking the bank.

Childcare Childcare is often the stickler for gay couples who are now also parents, and who want to go on date nights but have young children at home. Childcare does not have to be expensive or stressful. At times, we would trade childcare with other couples, so both couples could enjoy date nights. If that’s not possible, see if a trusted family member or close friend will help you in your quest to spend sacred time together.

Look for inexpensive babysitters in your neighborhood, or ask friends for recommendations. Some parents worry about leaving their children with other people, but if you find a safe and reliable person to watch your children, you’re helping them learn that other people, besides their parents, are trustworthy and reliable.

Children are incredibly resilient, and by showing your commitment to your relationship with your partner, you’re nurturing your children by ensuring that they will be raised by parents in a healthy and stable relationship.

Too often, especially after couples have children, date night becomes a random, freak act of nature. Don’t let it. If you’re too busy for date night, you’re too busy.

Here are some further ideas for busy couples.

Adventure Outside Your Comfort Zone

For couples that have been together a while, date night might turn into the same night over and over. When we first start dating someone, we have much more of a tendency to plan more exciting adventures. After 6 years, though? Sweatpants and Chinese take-out sounds like such a better idea. And I’m not saying that part of the relationship is bad, the ‘comfortable’ stage of a partnership is pretty darn amazing, too. But when you’re busy and barely have time for just the two of you, stepping outside of your comfort zone can make your quality time together that much more memorable. Do something that neither of you have ever done before, or do something that you’ve never really even thought of doing. Never been really interested in seeing a professional ballet or taking a painting class together? Not really one of those couples to get really dressed up for a night out? Never been ice-skating or to a trampoline park? Stepping outside your comfort zone with your partner makes for one memorable date night…and, who knows, you may discover something new that you really enjoy. (If nothing else, it could always make for a funny story if you don’t.)

Go On a 'Staycation'

You and your partner really wanted to go to Mauritius for your sixth anniversary next month, but COVID-19, time, and the bank account gave you a big fat “I don’t think so.” But that’s perfectly okay. Planning a staycation is one of the easiest and most fun ways to spend a date night. Grab a nice hotel in town (go on a weekday to score a great deal), order room service, go to the hotel bar, and chill a bottle of something bubbly. Plus…those super-plush hotel robes!

Turn Your Ordinary Extraordinary

You and your partner could turn your “everyday” into something special. This can be done in so many ways. Say you’re just too tired to go out or you had to work late. Bring the date night to you! One of my client’s favorite things they do is make what they call Fort Night. They build a giant fort (kind-of) by blowing up an air mattress in thier living room and surrounding themselves with massive amounts of cozy pillows. Then they have a movie marathon, have a living room picnic, and play board games or do crafts. Making something so simple a little extra special is all you need for a perfect date night. You can choose a themed menu and cook together. Host your own living room cheese and beverage pairing. Get creative!

Find the Fun

Okay, so. We’re adults. We have responsibilities. Our days off are sometimes consumed by errands, grocery shopping, or going to the gym. If you don’t have the time to make the fun, find the fun. Turn your gym day into a fun date night by taking a crazy class together you would have never otherwise taken. Make running errands fun by stopping at a new coffee shop or bakery nearby together for a little pick-me-up in between.

Pamper Me, Please

Scenario: It’s been the worst week, and you can’t even think about date night. No problem. Turn date night into pampering each other night! Give each other a massage. Draw one another a hot bath. Order take-out and don’t worry about the dishes or cleaning for the night. Even better: book a couples massage or pampering day at a spa as a date night. Possibly the ultimate idea when it comes to Date Night Ideas for Busy Couples!